Sunday, March 29, 2015

Work In Progress

Lately I have been trying to be okay with myself. 
With my body, my image, my personality, my stye, my life.

For me personally, this is a lot easier said than done. 
I am in constant battle with myself. 
I wake up in the morning feeling one way, and go to bed feeling another. 

Comparison has always been a problem for me. 
It always will be. 
Something that I will always have to work on and "deal" with. 

Social Media has a very large role in this...
Seeing and reading how "perfect" someones life is on the surface is difficult for me. 
However, I KNOW that it is not always real and that people only say what they want you to know.
I am not naive to that fact. 

I have thought on more than one occasion to disconnect completely and live life like we used to.
How we are supposed to!
But then I realize that the only way I will know what's going on is through that type of contact. 
So I continue reading, liking, and posting. 
Because after all, that is what our world has become. 
{Take a look at blogs for instance!}

One would think that at the age of thirty one, it would be easy to like ones self.
That it would come as easy as breathing, as blinking.
But for some of us it just isn't so. 

While in the midst of the whirlwind that is life, and all that comes {the good and the bad}, I have learned to take everything one day at a time.
To step back and take a deep breath when I feel like I am sinking. 

The feelings of seclusion and loneliness are one and the same for me.
But I get through them...eventually. 
Like I said, one day at a time. 

Sure, there are a million different medications that could make it "easier."
But I have tried those before, and they only make things better on the surface. 
And only for a short period of time, until they destroy parts of you that harder to fix in the long run.
So I chose to fix myself. 
Or at least try!

Over the years I have become extremely good at wearing that mask you hear about.
You know, the one with the plastered smile and the contagious laugh?
The one that nobody can see through?
I have mastered that skill. The art of pretending. 

It is the hardest battle I have to fight everyday.
Somedays are harder than others, but I always make it through to the other side!
It might take me a little longer to dig myself out, but I know I can do it because I have in the past.
I do it more often than I care to admit. 

And of the BEST forms of medicine for me, is always music!
Honestly, without it I feel like I would be lost most of the time! 
I turn on a song, and forget about the silly things are seem to be bothering me at the time.
I turn up the volume and sing it out! Dance it out! 

And my girls. 
If not for them, I couldn't get of bed in the morning. 
They are literally the reason I survive.
They need me more than I know. 
And I need them more than they know.

I am my own work in progress. 
After all said and done, I know that I become stronger because of it.
And I know that in the end I will be better because of it.