Thursday, September 13, 2012


I have read many articles and blogs on this topic, so I know that I am not alone in my thoughts. But still, I feel slightly guilty even thinking them::
Do I have what it takes, do I have enough love and patience, to raise two children?

I know I do. But with just a little over a week left until my induction date, this have been weighing heavily on my mind. Granted, I will not have two kids in diapers {thank Goodness!}, and Emma is going to be a huge help. But I remember that feeling I had instantly the moment she was born, and know that I will have it again with this one. But will I feel guilty when that happens? Probably not, which will make me feel guilty!
 Oh, how the wheel keeps turning!

It's strange for me to think that we only have a little over a week left with just our Emma. 
{No, I will NOT CRY!}
This is a good thing. A happy thing. An exciting thing! 
I just want to make 100% sure that I have the capacity to love both equally, and both as intensely. But see. That's where I get nervous - I can't be 100% positive, and I am such a planner, such an organizer, that not having control over feelings that deep and substantial, terrifies me. 

Now, I know that I'll get over this - give me a day or two to mull it over! But in the meantime, I have been thinking about Emma as a baby, and how fast the past 5 1/2 years have absolutely flown by! I love my extremely independent, incredibly smart, and beautiful little girl. But there are times when I look at her and miss the little helpless, needful infant that she used to be. But what parent doesn't do that from time to time? Right? Right! 

One month old
One of my all-time favorite photos!
About two years old
Five years old

For now, I am going to chalk this all up to my high levels of pregnancy hormones, since I still have that excuse to use!

1 comment:

  1. I think you are feeling what most people feel. I actually have similar feelings. I wonder how I can love this little guy when he's born as much as I love Michael and Alena. It doesn't seem possible. I only hope I am ready and will be a good parent. It's hard to feel that way.