Tuesday, October 22, 2013


In the past, I have written about identity theft {read it HERE}.
But what do you do when you don't even know who you are anymore?
Is there even an identity to steal at this point?

I have been battling with this lately. And I don't think that I am the only one.
Much like child loss, I believe that not many people want to admit it. They don't want to feel ashamed. Or embarrassed. I am one of them, and I am finally going to admit it.
Now I don't know if it is caused by being a SAHM without a career, or by not having any major life goals. But unlike all the other women that I know, I seem to be a little...lost. 
For lack of a better word.

There are so many strong, independent woman out there who are working full-time, going to school full-time, raising children, and running successful businesses. And some all at the same time! While I know that jealousy is technically a "sin", I have to use the word jealous, to label how I feel about these women. 
While they seemingly have it all together, here I sit in my house. 
Day in, and day out. Constantly surrounded by children, with little to NO adult interaction. And oh! How I wish I was exaggerating! I am beginning to feel like somewhat of a recluse. A loner. A loser. Whatever word fits the situation best...Perhaps this all stems back from my ongoing battle with depression, which alone has it's own peaks and valleys.

But then there are the days where I wake up with a smile, feeling absolutely blissful!
Like there are no problems, and I feel good about myself in those moments.

My house is clean, my laundry is done, my kids are healthy and happy. 
So what more could I ask for? Right?! 
How selfish I must be, you're thinking. Right?!
Well, a social life with adults for one.
The ability to contribute financially would be helpful. 
And a little less mundane wouldn't hurt.
But don't get me wrong! I love my family, my life, and the amazing opportunity to stay at home with my kids! If it were not for my amazingly supportive husband, who does more than everything possible to provide for us, I would not be able to do this. Any of this!

My only hope is this:
For the other the women of the world, who like me, seem to have "lost" their way down their own path, to please know that you are not alone! 
Because I feel this way every. Single. Day.
It is amazing how much GOOD some real life, face-to-face contact and interaction with people your own age, can truly do to the soul!


1 comment:

  1. Believe me, you are not the only one that feels this way!! Being a SAHM is rough, in that you hardly have any adult interaction anymore (like you said). You get so wrapped up in your kids that you start to lose who you are. Let's plan a coffee date (or hot cocoa date in my case) and we can just chat or vent, or whatever!! I'd love to see you soon!