Confessions of a Guilty Momma

There are so many things that parents do not say, no matter what their age. Feelings that they do not share, and opinions that they do not give. And I am one of them. Heaven forbid any of us should actually say what is on our minds, or how we feel on a day-to-day basis! This day and age, you will be promptly judged and chastised. Sad, isn't it? I think so.
The thoughts that run through your head, that you are ashamed to say out loud, are not as bad as you would believe! Trust me, I know!

For instance:: this whole week my daughter has had a stomach bug which has made her not eat, and have diarrhea every day. I feel awful for her, because there is nothing that I can do to help. And all the while, she is crying and whining because she doesn't feel well. I get that. We all do it! But by the time the 5th day has rolled around, it is getting on my nerves! I wish more than anything that I could make her feel better, but the whining has got to stop!

Now, how many of you reading this are thinking "WOW! That comes with the job, deal with it!" Or "That's rude!" I bet more of you are thinking something like this, then you would like to admit! I have before...and that's OK too. But the fact that us parents feel BAD about saying how we feel, for so many different reasons, is frustrating to me. It's not like I don't already feel bad thinking it to myself, but to say it out loud does make me feel guilty! So why must other people add to that?

Every parent has their own way of handling things, and disciplining, etc...but for crying out loud! Can't we, as parents, unload our thoughts and feelings too without judgement?! I know quite a few parents (and other people) who say "Who cares what other people think, she's YOUR kid!" But for me, at least, it's not that easy. I have never wanted "That Kid". The one who whines and cries and throws a fit because she doesn't get her way. The one that has no manners, and doesn't know the difference between right and wrong. And don't get me wrong, it's not like anybody wants "That Kid", but I have seen too many, to know that I have to work especially hard to make it NOT happen! And it is exhausting. Absolutly exhausting.

I know, I know. It comes with the J.O.B. But can't us parents get a break every once in awhile? I'm not talking about a dinner out with your spouse, or a movie with your friends. I'm talking more along the lines of encouragement, compliments and comfort from each other, rather than judgment, ignorance, and disregard for how hard our jobs really are.

I still don't know how I did it for the first three years, working full time then coming home to a toddler. Or all the other parents who do it...forever! The last thing you want to do at the end of a long day is come home to discipline a toddler! But we do it, because we have to. The future generations lie in our hands, and it is our DUTY to train them well!

Who hasn't been to a store and seen a kid throwing a fit? Having been in that very same situation myself (carrying my kid kicking and screaming out of a store with my cart left in the middle of the isle), I know how that parent feels. But if you look closely, the people around them give them dirty looks. And we all know what they are thinking...and these people make me so frustrated! If they have kids, then shame on them. And if they don't, then please don't JUDGE! You have no idea what it's like, or what it's all about!

For those of you have read all of this, I Thank You! You are troopers! I don't want people to think that I am an angry person, because I'm not! I am just getting tired of all the eyes constantly watching how I decide to parent my own child. And I hope that some will take this to heart...family or no family. Could we all just PLEASE drop the judgment and cut straight to the compliments and recognition? Thank You!   :)

Well Visit

Em had her four year well visit yesterday - it was slightly rough! She did great at first:: she had her first eye sight test, and hearing test which she passed with flying colors - her eyesight is 20/40, which apparently is perfect for her age. I am so glad she doesn't have my bad ears and eyes! Ha, ha!
And for all of those people who are continuously commenting on how "petite" my daughter is, you are correct! She is in the 25% for her height and weight...weight coming in at only 30.6 lbs! I swear I make her eat! It was a breath of fresh air to have her Doc tell me that he's not worried about it at all, and that she's perfectly proportioned!
But on the other hand, when they had to prick her little finger for an iron test, she flipped out! And that test turned out not so good. :(  I guess they measure iron on a scale from 1-12. Em is only at 9.7, which is not good. In other words, we have to give her multi-vitamins with iron in them, and make her eat iron rich foods. Wish us luck with that!
Those foods include:: broccoli, liver, raisins, spinach, beets, Lima beans, soybeans, and everything else that kids (and most adults including myself) hate to eat! Any number below a 10, they make us bring her back in 3 months to get her blood checked again, and hopefully her numbers go up. If not, then they will run more tests...I will do everything in my power to NOT let that happen!
So after this, they had to proceed to give her FOUR vaccines! At least they said that she won't need anymore until about 12, thank goodness! Of course, since she needs these to stay in school, I tried to explain that to her, but that did not help. As the nurse held down her legs, I had to pin her down from the waist up while she screamed bloody murder! She was crying, and so was I. I thought that watching your child get shots would get easier the older they get. Well I was wrong! It is harder! They know what is coming, they know how it will feel, etc...not to mention, NO ONE can fool my kid! She knows better then to fall for a bribe! 
Needless to say, after this traumatic appointment I took her to Target and let her pick something out. She chose a pair of princess dress-up shoes, which she will NOT take off!
And by the way, for those of you parents who are curious, I asked, and was told that you cannot switch them into a booster seat until they are 40 lbs.
Looks like Em will be in hers for awhile still!

Happiness Is::

Happiness Is::
My daughter - who will forever be my Baby Girl, and who makes my life better in every way possible.
My husband - who has seen me at my worst, and at my best and continues to Love me unconditionally.
My family - without whom I could not survive.
My friends - my support system, my outlet and my fun all rolled up into one!
My hobbies - music, art, books and photography. All of which I need to get through this crazy thing called life!
Our Health - I am so grateful, and so thankful, to have such a healthy family.
The simple things - every day happenings that some people do not even recognize, I cherish. Being able to wake up and have a cup of coffee, and being able to sit here and blog about it all! Watching my daughter sleep, being able to come and go as I please, making my own decisions (good or bad), breathing, walking, eating, sleeping, FREEDOM, PEACE, LOVE!
To me, Happiness is so many things! This past year I have seen some things come, and some things go, and with all this it makes me appreciate it ALL that much more!
There is just so much that makes me Happy! Sometimes it is hard to remember these things, but I know that they are there. And I know that I am grateful, thankful and deserving. Everbody deserves to be Happy!

After all, a smile is contagious!   :)

Cause for a Celebration!

Where to begin? Let me start with this:: CONGRATULATIONS to one of my life-long, best friends, Lindsay! Her and her amazing Hubby welcomed their first beautiful daughter into the world last night! She is perfectly precious in every way, and her name is Chelsea. I cannot wait to get to know her and watch her grow! The craziest thing about her being born yesterday is that between Lins, our good friend Mandy, and myself (all of whom have been friends since before high school), is that we have all had January babies! Who all happen to be EXACTLY six days apart from each other! Emma was born on the 14th, Chelsea born on the 20th, and Bennet (who turns ONE next week) was born on the 26th! Kind of strange, right? But pretty amazing how things work out! Needless to say, January babies are the BEST! 
Not to mention, one of my cousins had her first baby - Dani Rae - a few short weeks ago (we will be visiting and meeting this little Beauty this weekend)! I also have yet another cousin who will be welcoming her second daughter - Lennon Willow - into the world next month!
On yet another Joyous note, yesterday we found out that my Mother-In-Law is officially in remission from breast cancer! WOOHOO, and Thank you God!
Between family members and the numerous amount of my friends that are pregnant, it is starting to get hard to keep track of them all! I have recently had someone ask me what our plans are for another one...and all I could tell them was that if it is meant to happen, God will make it so...
All of these occasions call for a celebration!

Before & After

This post is particularly intended for those family members and friends who have not yet seen our new home. We have accomplished some (very) small updates and decorating. After all, one small thing at a time, right? We have yet to paint, but it is inching to the top of our "to-do" list! After two months, it has finally started to feel like Home!

Here is the dining room::



After



Before

 

 Here is the Kitchen/Breakfast bar::

                                         Before






After

 







And finally, we have the Family room/Bonus room, where we spend most of our time::



Before

 


After

     



 







HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

:: Four years ago today, my life changed forever. I am so proud to call this beautiful girl mine!

2011 - Four Years Old




2007 - One Month Old

 

As cliche as this may sound, even though she is quite the handful and everyday is pretty much a challenge, I would not trade it for anything!

She fills the void in my life - the one that I did not know was there to begin with. She makes us laugh, cry and tests our patience! She is an incredibly smart little cookie, and loves her music! Not to mention she is absolutely beautiful! OK, so maybe I'm a little biased, but come on! It's undeniable! We love this kiddo with everything in us, and could not imagine our lives without her.
Happy Birthday baby girl! I love you to the moon and back!

Blog Venture - Day 7

So it's day seven, and I want to Thank you for joining me on my exploration through song! As I have said before, I do this on a daily basis, but it was fun to share some of it with you! I really do hope that you enjoyed some of this insight into myself. And who knows...Maybe you even learned a little bit more about me!
I did quite well at not posting any songs by Keith Urban or Taylor Swift. Since I have posted some of their songs in the past, I figured I should explore other options! Now with that said, on to song number seven :: it is titled "Drive" by Incubus. They are my number two favorite band, and I have always loved this song and it's meaning (I can bet that you are familiar with it)! This song is off of their album "Make Yourself", so I believe that the title of the song is very fitting. If you truly listen (or read) the lyrics, it is very easy to see why. Needless to say, it is quite simply perfect for me! It is in a way, my life motto. P.S. this video is awesome! ENJOY!

"Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can't help but ask myself how much I'll let the fear
Take the wheel and steer

It's driven me before and seems to have a vague
Haunting mass appeal
But lately I'm beginning to find that I
Should be the one behind the wheel
Whatever tomorrow brings
I'll be there with open arms and open eyes yea
Whatever tomorrow brings
I'll be there I'll be there

So, if I decide to waiver my chance
To be one of the hive
Will I choose water over wineAnd hold my own and drive?

It's driven me before and it seems to be the way
That everyone else gets around
But lately I'm beginning to find that when
I drive myself my light is found

Whatever tomorrow brings
I'll be there with open arms and open eyes yea
Whatever tomorrow brings
I'll be there I'll be there

Would you choose water over wine?
Hold the wheel and drive

Whatever tomorrow brings
I'll be there with open arms and open eyes yea
Whatever tomorrow brings
I'll be there I'll be there"

Blog Venture - Day 6

Today I have chosen a song by John Mayer. As a person, I don't particularly think that much of him. But as a musician, he is fantastic! He can play the guitar like nobodies business, and writes some incredible lyrics. In fact, if it were not for his music, I would not pay attention to him. Now with that said; this song is titled "Say" and is off of the movie soundtrack 'The Bucketlist' and his re-released album 'Continuum'. It is simply about saying what you need to, or want to, say to someone before they are gone. Having faced some difficult loses in the past decade, this song spoke to me. In fact, I think it's a great song that makes you think, and puts things into perspective...

"Take out of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all your so called problems
Better put them in quotations

Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say

Walkin' like a one man army
Fightin' with the shadows in your head
Livin' up the same old moment
Knowin' you'd be better off instead
If you could only

Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say

Have no fear for givin' in
Have no fear for givin' over
You better know that in the end
It's better to say too much
Than to never to say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shakin'
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closin'
Do it with a heart wide open
A wide heart

Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say"

Blog Venture - Day 5

I can only hope someone out there is actually reading this! For any one who may be, here is my song for day 5; It is titled "Broken" by Lifehouse. It is off of their album 'Who We Are'. This song is one of those that I have deemed "my song". This band came out back when I was in high school, and I have loved them ever since. Something about this band and their lyrics, always seem to speak to me. Like they were written with me in mind. Almost every single one of their songs I can relate to. Pretty strange, huh? I think it's actually pretty amazing!
It's a slower song, but very pretty. I hope you like it...

"The broken clock is a comfortIt helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can start tomorrow
From stealing all my time

And I am here still waiting
Though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best
Like you've already figured out

CHORUS;
I'm falling apart
I'm barley breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding onI'm holding on
I'm holding on
I'm barely holding on to you

The broken locks were a warning
You got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded
I'm an open book instead

And I still see your reflection
Inside of my eyesThat are looking for purpose
They're still looking for life

CHORUS;
I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
(In the pain)
Is there healing?
In your name
(In your name)
I find meaning
So I'm holding on
(I'm still holding)
I'm holding on
(I'm still holding)
I'm holding on
(I'm still holding)
I'm barely holding on to you
I'm hanging on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be okay

Broken lights on the freeway
Left me here alone
I may have lost my way now
I haven't forgotten my way home

CHORUS"

Blog Venture - Day 4

Okay, day four and going strong! This is fun for me...he, he! Today I have chosen a song titled "Stand" by Rascal Flatts. It is off of their album 'Me and My Gang', and I believe that the lyrics (literally) say it all. Who hasn't felt this way? For me, this song describes these feelings perfectly...

"You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless, like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright, you'll be alright

?Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend 'til you break
'Cause it's all you can take

On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand, then you stand

Life's like a novel with the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon with only one way down
Take what you're given before it's gone
And start holdin' on, keep holdin' on
'Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend 'til you break
'Cause it's all you can take

On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand, yeah, then you stand

Every time you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place, yeah"

Blog Venture - Day 3

Anyone who knows me well enough, knows that I truly believe I was born in the wrong decade and that I am a Hippie at heart. I wish, so much, that I was a "Child of the '60's" because everything from the era fascinates me. Woodstock is somewhat of an obsession of mine, and I would have LOVED to have been there to witness it all! I could go on and on about it all, but that is a new post in itself. So, instead I have chosen one of my favorite songs simply titled "Woodstock". It is about the most historic music festival of our time, to date. It is by Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, off of their album 'Deja Vu'. I love the lyrics, the music and everything about how this song takes me there! It makes me feel like I am being transcended through time...a little dorky, maybe. But that's the truth! I love this song! Take a listen. You may just enjoy it as much as I do! P.S. - this video is from the movie 'Woodstock' - check out the real footage! LOVE IT!

"Well, I came upon a child of God
He was walking along the road
And I asked him, Tell me, where are you going?
This he told me

Said, I'm going down to Yasgur's Farm,
Gonna join in a rock and roll band.
Got to get back to the land and set my soul free.

We are stardust, we are golden,
We are billion year old carbon,
And we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Well, then can I roam beside you?
I have come to lose the smog,
And I feel myself a cog in somethin' turning.
And maybe it's the time of year,
Yes and maybe it's the time of man.
And I don't know who I am,
But life is for learning.

We are stardust, we are golden,
We are billion year old carbon,
And we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

We are stardust, we are golden,
We are billion year old carbon,
And we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

By the time we got to Woodstock,
We were half a million strong
And everywhere was a song and a celebration.
And I dreamed I saw the bomber death planes
Riding shotgun in the sky,
Turning into butterflies
Above our nation.

We are stardust, we are golden,
We are caught in the devils bargain,
And we got to get ourselves back to the garden"

Blog Venture - Day 2

I love this happy, goofy, positive little Aussie! His music, to me, is down right inspirational and is filled with happiness and whimsy! And his name is Ben Lee. I have seem him live about 3 times, met him once, and like him I am a LOVER, not a fighter!
This song doesn't need much of an explanation...listen to the lyrics, or read them. They are down right happy and full of positivity (like all of his songs)! The song is titled "What's So Bad (About Feeling Good)", off of the album 'The Rebirth of Venus'. It is one of those songs that you can listen to at any time, especially if your having a down-day, and it will put a smile on your face! You can't help but sing along to his music! SMILE & ENJOY!

"Well you're lookin' so compose as you're starin' down your nose at me, laughin' at the way that I dance
But I just keep on movin' while you're lookin' disapprovin'
I feel sad for you, you never take a chance
So let your feet start shuffling and let your hips swing.
I know your heart's as hungry as mine.
Close your eyes, look at me, open up your mind you'll see that we can share a moment, a moment in time

[Chorus]
Tell me what's so bad, about feeling good
Tell me what's so bad, about feeling good

Well it's not all analysis or mathematic pression
oh all the simple things in life are not small
and all your daily drama and the politics of pleasure
well they really do not matter much at all
so let your words start spilling out against your will
and let your love mingle with mine
close your eyes, look at me, open up your heart you'll see that we can share a moment, a moment in time

[Chorus 4x]
Tell me what's so bad, about feeling good
Tell me what's so bad, about feeling good

No guilt. All Pleasure. C'mon I wanna hear you yell it now
No guilt. All Pleasure. C'mon everybody yell it now
No guilt. All Pleasure. I wanna hear you yell it baby
No guilt. All Pleasure. C'mon everybody...Tell me what's so bad, about feeling good
Tell me what's so bad about feeling good.
Tell me what's so bad, about feeling good
Tell me what's so bad, about feeling good
...about feeling good....about feeling good...what's so bad about feeling good..."

Blog Venture - Day 1

I have decided to take on the task of doing my very own Blog Venture. For the next week, I am going to (try to) post the lyrics of one song per day, that somehow pertain to my life.
It will, in a way, be my own personal project of discovery through music. I know, I know. I do this everyday! But I feel like sharing.
Even though it seems like no one "follows" my blog or comments on my posts, I still consider this a sort of outlet for my mind! So let me begin with the song for today; It is by Lady Antebellum off of their album 'Need You Now', and the song is titled 'Hello World'. I love this song, for the simple fact that it explains perfectly, how I have felt at times in my life (quite recently). It is one of those songs that gives me the chills whenever I hear it, because I can relate so intensely. So please, take a listen to this beautiful song, and their amazing harmonies!

                                                       Lady Antebellum - "Hello World"



"Traffic cars, cell phone calls, talk radio screams at me
Through my tinted windows I see a little girl, rust red minivan
She's got chocolate on her face, got little hands
And she waves at me, yeah, she smiles at me

Well, hello world, how've you been?
Good to see you, my old friend
Sometimes I feel cold as steel
Broken like I'm never gonna heal
I see a light, little hope in the little girl
Well, hello world

Every day I drive by a little white church
It's got these little white crosses like angels in the yard
Maybe I should stop on in and say a prayer
Maybe talk to God like he is there
Oh, I know He's there, yeah, I know He's there

Well, hello world, how've you been?
Good to see you, my old friend
Sometimes I feel as cold as steel
And broken like I'm never gonna heal
I see a light, little grace, little faith unfurl
Well, hello world

Sometimes I forget what living's for
And I hear my life through my front door
And I'll be there, oh, I'm home again

I see my wife, little boy, little girl
Hello world, hello world

Oh, the empty disappears
I remember why I'm here
To surrender and believe
I fall down on my knees
Oh hello world, hello world, hello world"

"Little Miss" Me

I have recently found the perfect song that describes me! Give or take a few lyrics here and there, everything else hits the nail right on the head! It is a song by Sugarland, and it is titled "Little Miss" off of the album "Incredible Machine". It is a great song, and she has some serious pipes - check it out!

"Little Miss Down On Love
Little Miss I Give Up
Little Miss I'll Get Tough
Don't you worry 'bout me anymore

Little Miss Checkered Dress
Little Miss One Big Mess
Little Miss I'll Take Less
When I Always Give So Much More

It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
Yeah, sometimes you gotta lose 'til you win
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
It'll be alright again

It'll be alright again, I'm okay
It'll be alright again, I'm okay
(Okay)
It'll be alright again, I'm okay

Little Miss Do Your Best
Little Miss Never Rest
Little Miss Be My Guest
I'll Make More Anytime That It Runs Out

Little Miss You'll Go Far
Little Miss Hide Your Scars
Little Miss Who You Are
Is So Much More Than You Like To Talk About

Oh, Lord
Oh, and you are loved
Are loved

Little Miss Brand New Start
Little Miss Do Your Part
Little Miss Big Ol' Heart Beats Wide Open
She's ready now for love

It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
Well, sometimes you gotta lose 'til you win
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
It'll be alright again"

The Happiness Project!

I saw a link for this on a friend's blog, and as soon as I saw the title I thought: "Who wouldn't want to join in something like this?!" So join in I did! You are supposed to post a picture of something that makes you incredibly HAPPY, and here is my picture for the day!



Our Beauty!



Resolutions & A New Addiction

Every January, you hear people buzzing about what sort of resolutions they need to make. Or about what sort of things they want to accomplish. But for me, I seem to change my goals (or resolutions) quite often. I am always finding something to improve on. Every day brings new challenges, so why not face them head on? That is why I do not make resolutions! Now don't get me wrong, resolutions are great if you stick to them! I just know they're not for me.
I could be like everyone else and say that I am going to loose weight, go to the gym everyday, and get in shape. But that's not me! I HATE going to the gym, and do not see the point in forcing yourself to do something you cannot stand to do. Life is too short!
So instead of making un-realistic goals and resolutions, I choose to not make any at all!
Because, for me, I will only be setting myself up for disappointment, failure and guilt. And I don't know about you, but I have enough of those in my every day life as a Mother!
So this year, my major self-improvement, is to be a better parent. To be more patient. To be more understanding, and to be a better teacher. For those of you who know me well, know that these things do not come easy for me! But then again, do they for anyone?
Now to some, this self-improvement may sound quite cliche. But for me, it is the thing that is most important!

Now on to my new addiction; Simply put - 'LOST'. I am seriously hooked! Sad? Perhaps. But I don't care! It is my new escape from reality. Since my other shows were on hiatus for the Holidays, I decided to check this one out from the beginning, and can't seem to get enough!

Especially of the main character, Jack. A.K.A. Matthew Fox. And WOW! I sure don't remember him being this...Foxy in 'Party of Five'! Let's just say...he sure doesn't hurt the eyes!

Also, is it possible that Kate (A.K.A. Evangeline Lilly) could get any prettier?! This woman is gorgeous (Yes, I will admit when I see a gorgeous woman)!

So there you have it - resolutions and my new addiction! 

Dog Days Are Over!

To begin with, Happy New Year! Our New Years Eve was full of nothing, and it was nice!

Today is Howard's first day back to work, after a week of "vacation". And by "vacation" I mean house work, yard work, and running errands - for the both of us! It was a busy week full of getting stuff settled in, finished, and looking right. Things are finally starting to come together - still slowly of course.

We were able to purchase and hang the blinds for the bonus/family room. And we purchased our bar stools (which match our dinning room set perfectly)!

Howard and Emma had a Daddy-Daughter day while I stayed behind and cleaned out her toy room and bedroom. The two of them went out and he let Em pick out some new toys with the  Christmas money she received, and she did good - picked out items only on sale I was told! Coincidence? Probably. But I'm still proud! Ha, ha!

While they were out, I was able to get the toy room all organized and set up - FINALLY! And my oh my, was it a project! But it feels good to have it done!

It was so nice to have my Man home with us for a week - what a treat! But today it is back to reality. Now it's time for me to start thinking about Emma's birthday. She will be FOUR YEARS OLD in a mere 11 days!!! *tear*

I will not be throwing a big birthday bash this year like I have for the past 3 years (for obvious financial reasons), but I will find something special for us to do that day! Plus, she gets to have a birthday party at school that week, so that's enough planning for me!

With the Holidays complete, and the New Year beginning, hopefully things will start to slow down a little bit...but we'll see!